Yes. That’s right. The BBC. I may live in Spain but I can’t live without the beeb.
The tele here is simply dreadful, and I mean DREADFUL. The Spaniards I have spoken to agree with me for the most part too. There are a few good programmes that are worth a look and are pretty informative, the highlights that I can think of are: Callajeros, Madrileños por el Mundo and El Hormiguero. For the most part however they are real tripe (not to say that many of the UK TV is not the same). I thought that I would do some bullet pointy ‘Top 5 Worst Things About Spanish TV’, you know, just for kicks.
OK so, my Top 5 Worst Things About Spanish TV are:
1. Soaps, gossip, soaps, gossip…need I go on?
Ok, so the first gripe is that Spanish TV seems to be all about the soaps, or gossip programmes, which they try to sell as ‘current affairs’ but are basically an issue of Heat.
I will start with the soaps. A lot of them are Latin American and bear more than a passing resemblance to the soaps aired by their North American neighbours. They are just so contrived. Comical even. The distressing thing is they are trying to be serious, whereas I think the American versions are rather more tongue in cheek. They honestly want us to have palpitations about the fact that (I am making this up now) Enrique, who is married to Conchita, is having an affair with Pilar who is incidentally Conchita’s closest friend and possibly her half sister though no-one yet knows that her father was a philanderer.….but I just DON’T care! They address no real issues, no real worries, give no advice and bring nothing out into the open for public debate. They always consist of beautiful, perfectly coiffed people who live in houses the size of Kent. Think Sunset Beach in Spanish, the dramatic music, the inability to act in any serious sense, the hair, the ridiculous cringeworthy plots (btw thanks for that experience Channel 5, it was enlightening!) It’s Footballer’s Wives but they take it seriously. Uh oh!
There are other soaps that appear to have a budget roughly equivalent to 20p an episode. There is one that springs to mind that uses the same set for every single backdrop; they just change the props about a bit. It is so shoddily done everything shakes every time someone slams a door…which is quite often it seems. I can think of one which is called ‘Dame el Chocolate’ roughly, ‘Give me the Chocolate’. It’s set in a factory and they make, you guessed it, CHOCOLATE! Who came up with that one? I include a YouTube link to this wonderous soap below if you fancy checking out a snippet. (couldn't embed because the functionality wasn't enabled on YT).
Now, the ‘current affairs’ programmes. Don’t be fooled, these are not current affairs at all, they are GOSSIP. If there is anything that the Spanish love it is gossip. They say that the national Spanish pastime is envy, of ones neighbours and friends and even family. The obsession with gossip ties in neatly with that. They absolutely thrive on it. We think the paps in the UK are bad but they could learn a thing or two from the guys out here. There are hours and hours of TV coverage dedicated daily to the antics of the latest ‘celeb’. The funny thing is that non-one here seems to object to being filmed, photographed and scrutinised, it goes with the territory as it were. The most normal person in the street will happily be filmed for hours on end about any old thing. People allow themselves to be filmed being taken away to hospital with an arm hanging off (not kidding). I personally find the spectacle of bereaved families weeping outside courtrooms stopping to give incoherent and inconsolable interviews to every TV station that asks for one particularly disturbing. The emotions and dirty laundry of everyone here seem to be open for airing and no-one minds. It is such a contrast. The Brits would (for the most part) rather shoot ourselves in the head than be filmed sobbing uncontrollably or screaming incoherently (literally) at some official we feel has wronged us, it is just not at all what we are about. Upon witnessing such spectacles in the ‘current affairs’ and even serious news programmes, I just mutter to myself in my very British manner. *mutter* never beaten *mutter* us in *mutter* battle *mutter* no bloody *mutter* wonder *mutter*. I am awful. I know.
The knock on affect of the obsession with airing these soaps and gossip is that there are simply no decent Spanish drama series. At least not that I have seen but I could be speaking out of turn (see point 5 when I post it!). The standard of filming here, at least for TV, seems to be altogether lower. My (Spanish) hubby was quite simply astounded at the quality of programmes like ‘Rome’, ‘The Tudors’ and ‘Ashes to Ashes’. He honestly couldn’t get over it. The natural history programmes too, Sir David Attenborough in particular, he just cannot get over the filming standard and the style.
He’s a bigger fan of the beeb than I am.
On writing this list looks like it is going to be long so, I will write it all and then publish in instalments, maybe that way we will get something resembling regular posting happening!
